Bitches at work just gossip and backstab and dont help u when u ask for a little help. Fuck you.

// Confession//

For a rather extended period of time even if i seemed to have all or most that i need there are certain times where i just fall back into some sort of depression that is usually unprovoked in the most random of times.

Like when i boarded the bus to go home from shopping just recently.

Maybe it was the long journey or maybe it was the places the bus passed through places i have been to a thousand times that bit me.

There is something amiss and i cant quite put a finger to it.

But i yearn.

I dont know if its just me, but i suspect age has alot to do with how you react to things and events in life.

I remember clearly in my adolescence that i had a passionate energy to whatever i was involved in at that time. There was no just being ‘so-so’ or ‘ho-hum’ about anything. If i liked something i adored it. If i hated something i loathed it.

And when i loved someone i gave away my heart completely, even if i knew the risk was that it would be returned to me in pieces. I lived for those crazy happy moments and the bitter bickerings. Yes i made regrettable decisions. The price of adventure was sometimes foolishness. Nothing was just met with passive energy.

Is my age telling me to be pragmatic and tone down on the affection and passion and romance? Ive never thought of myself as a girly hopeless romantic and im not. But maybe a part of me really wants some sort of affection and endearment. And also a sense of being open and trusting to someone no matter how screwed up i maybe.

I think i clearly miss that.